This week, I wrote the first scene in my Camp NaNoWriMo novel that I was actually pleased with. I know. It only took me three weeks to reach that point. It was a good feeling too. Something about this moment just flowed. The dialogue came easily. The characters felt like themselves, and all in all it felt like finally I remembered how to write. They were probably the best 3k words I’ve written since starting this draft. And it only took me 30 thousand odd words of rubbish to reach this point. Easy, right?
To tell the truth though, every first draft is like this for me. I sit down to write, and then it’s like I’ve forgotten everything I ever knew about character development, pacing, plot, or even how to spell. I sit staring at what I’ve written, and I just know in my soul that this is Bad Writing. And that can be super demotivating. Were the other books I wrote before just flukes? What use was getting that writing degree if I can’t string together three words that sound decent?
But then, if I push away the doubts, stop reading what I’ve written, and stop worrying about whether or not i can actually write, eventually I work my way through the Bad Writing and something will click, and I finally get that nice scene that just wants to work, or that one golden line of dialogue, and the Bad Writing steps aside for a moment and the Good Writing peeks out like, ‘hi, I’m here too, don’t worry’. And then there’s hope again.
Every single first draft I have ever written, all 20 odd of them, has been awful. Some of them are not salvageable, and others are huge messes that can be fixed. There are no good first drafts in there. That’s just the name of the game. Every first draft is filled with awful, clunky writing that forgets how to tell a good story and just spews words onto the page. But that’s ok. That doesn’t mean I’m a Bad Writer. The Bad Writing is serving to explore the story. It’s just your creativity making a mess on the page. Maybe that’s not how a scene works, but that’s how you work through an idea. You throw a bunch of words around and finally something sicks.
Eventually, the Good Writing will come through, but only so long as you keep writing. Bad Writing doesn’t mean your a bad writer, and a really mess, awful first draft doesn’t mean that your a fraud. it means that you’re working your way through ideas and story threads that may or may not work. But how do you know until you lay it out on the page in one great, glorious mess of Bad Writing? The main thing is that you keep writing and you keep exploring and you keep throwing writing of any kind on the page. The Good Writing is lurking just behind the Bad Writing. And a great book is hidden inside all those words that you’ve flung on the page. It’s raw, it’s messy, but it’s your story. It’s your adventure. And when you’ve explored enough, you’ll know how to turn the Bad Writing into Good Writing.
So, if like me, you’re finding that a lot of your book at the moment is terrible and messy, don’t worry. First drafts are like that. They’re allowed to be. They’re the place you can throw all the ideas together on the page and see what sticks and what doesn’t. You never know until you try. So keep writing, keep getting the rough stuff out. You’re still a writer if you have Bad Writing. This is just the way books go. Bad Writing doesn’t make you a Bad Writer. It makes you a Real one.
Do bad first drafts ever make you feel discouraged? Do you ever worry that you’ve forgotten how to write? And, flipping things around, what’s the best part of writing for you? Let’s chat in the comments below!
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